Sunday, March 7, 2010


{so many thoughts}

..I have a lot on mind right now..

1. Will I have a job still when I get to work tomorrow - my boss is trying to get rid of me I think and I have the proof based on his emails I scan daily (part of my job).  I told him this past Monday that I would be having surgery this week and all of a sudden he doesn't like me or want me there anymore.  Early morning meeting with HR Director to discuss my concerns about how I'm being treated and what I can do to save my job.  He thinks I've known about my surgery for a while and just sprung it on him on Monday.  Umm, NO I just found out on Monday buddy so I'm not hiding anything from you.  Strange thing is, he doesn't talk to me about his concerns so if I am doing something wrong, we can work to correct the problem.  Instead, he goes to our HR rep (who is not trust worthy) and tells her everything and then I get it slammed in my face weeks later after knowing something was wrong for weeks.  The HR rep and my boss I think figured out that I might know what they are up to because of my access to his emails.  Funny thing is, minutes after I emailed the HR Director to speak with her, my access was denied to view his inbox and calendar.  Hmm, what a are so up to something!!!
{praying things are resolved before my last day on Tuesday} I need health insurance especially now that I'm having surgery..does he not care?}

2.  Nervous about my surgery on Wednesday - this will be my 3rd surgery to remove ovarian cysts and endometriosis.  It's only been a year since my 2nd surgery and I'm already having another.  Can I get a break please?  This time I am fortunate enough to not only have my OBGYN do the surgery, but she is teaming up with a specialist in gyno laparoscopic surgery to perform my surgery.  I feel very confident that they will do their very best to remove all 6 cysts and save my ovary.  There is always the risk that I could loose this only ovary.  This is what worries me.  I'm nervous about the surgery...not knowing the outcome is hard for me.  I know everything will be fine; I just want it to be over and to be cleaned out for longer than a year.  These cysts are making it very difficult among other things in trying to have a baby.  
{praying for a safe and successful surgery and a speedy recovery}

3.  Will my husband’s house he owns with his mother ever sell - their house has been on the market since the end of January.  31 people have looked at the house, a few people were interested, but no offers.  If we can get this house sold, we will be saving an extra $1500 a month to be put away to save for our house we want to buy in the next year.  We won't be struggling financially anymore.  No more worry, not more anxiety but contentment that we are saving $$$ towards a goal of ours.
{praying that the right person comes along and loves the house and makes an offer before the summer time...please Lord}

4.  Will my 3 grandpas make it through this year - i have 3 grandpas..2 & 1 step.  My grandpa McCay (my step grandpa) who is 85 is a walking time bomb.  Clogged arteries in his neck that if they operate, he probably wouldn't survive, his kidneys are failing, he's weak, and just not the grandpa I've known for so many years.  My grandpa Ulrich (my Dad's Dad) has Alzheimer’s and is in a nursing home.  He has no clue who we are.  He is in content which makes me so sad, he sits alone at a table for all his meals, and no one goes to visit him.  I live an hour away and need to make the time to go see him.  But the sad part is, two of his kids live within 30 mins and an hour and they don't go see him, nor does my grandma.  My Dad lives in CA so he has a good excuse and he visits him when him and my Mom are in town.  Then there is my grandpa chase (my Mom's Dad).  He has had jaw cancer that they were able to remove and has been doing pretty good.  Two weeks ago we found out that he has lung cancer.  It’s too far up in his lung to operate one.  They don't know how long he has.  It's very scary and sad.  He has always been the lively one and so bright and cheerful.  Now lung cancer?  I'm worried about all of them...I want them to live for many more years but I know this probably won't be the case.  Praying for miracles for all 3 of them.
{praying that God heals them and keeps them here with our families for many more years..but I don't want God to keep them here if they are in pain or suffering..then I know it's time to move on to a better place, heaven}

..what's on your mind this Sunday evening?..

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